Το ημερολόγιο του Έντουαρντ (fan fiction)

Έντουαρντ Κάλλεν

“I will never forgive myself. My sins end up to this feeling that covers my existence like a thick black layer of filth. Where was my sense of reason last night? I have never been more selfish. My desire to please her conquered my squared world.

Her smell was different last night. It got strangely sweeter and saltier at the same time. Her heartbeat was dancing to the craziest rhythm and her sweat was like swimming in the sea. I remembered how it was when I was a child, when I was feeling the sun on my skin, the sand scratching the dead cells off me, my mother’s touch on my cheek.

I felt like home. A home that I had never known.  I struggled with my inner strength. We fought like warriors in a combat. My strength kept falling on to me with the same speed of a waterfall, on and on without mercy like it was nature’s routine.  Her breaths gave me the strength that I needed. Her breaths were singing a sensual melody of pleasure.

But I should never have done it. After we finished she fell asleep right away and I could listen her heartbeat slowing down to tranquility. I could see her skin turning from red to blue. I saw the blood concentrating to certain points reminding me the monster I am. I’m not worthy all this happiness. A perfect creature wants to spend eternity with me. A perfect creature. Goodness impersonated.

I ‘m a soulless monster, goddamned to experience evil in order to exist. I’m not going to touch her again. I forbid myself. She is still sleeping. She will hate me for what I ‘ve  caused. Our bedroom looks like battlefield. A snowing field from all the feathers lying down.  I’m so ashamed.

I hear her heartbeat getting stronger. She must be waking up. I hope she will forgive me. I cannot look her in the eyes. Her smell is now all over the place. She must be up. I should suffer like I a martyr. I deserve her hatred.”

Cleto Charitopoulou